Preparing For Service
I now had two things in mind. I needed to learn to live in difficult conditions and to live on less money. This would make me better able to help those among whom I lived and worked to bring the Gospel.
I soon found that I could live on much less than I had first thought possible. By eating mainly oatmeal1 and rice, I found that a very small amount of money was enough for my needs.
It was an honor to serve my real, living God in this way. For me, it was a very serious thing to think of going out to China, far away from all human help. There I had no choice but to depend on the loving God alone for protection, food, and help of every kind. I felt that my spiritual being needed to be strengthened for such a task. I always reminded myself that faith did not fail, God would not fail.
But then, what if one’s faith should prove to be too weak? I had not at that time learned that even “if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. ” (2 Timothy 2:13) I held a very serious question in my mind.
The matter was not of Him being faithful or not. I questioned whether my faith was strong enough to allow me to enter into this great work set before me. I thought that when I got out to China, I should have no claim on anyone for anything.
My only claim would be on God. Because of this, it became very important to learn, before leaving England to move man, through God, by prayer alone!” At Hull, my kind employer asked me to remind him whenever my pay became due because he was always very busy.
This I decided not to do directly, but to ask God to cause him to remember. In this way, my faith would be strengthened by answered prayer. At one time, the day came near to be paid for three month’s work. As usual, I was praying about it.
The time came, but my friend said nothing. I continued praying and days passed on, but he did not remember. At last, one Saturday night, I found myself with only one coin, one half-crown.2 Still, I had all I needed and continued praying.
That Sunday was a very happy one. As usual, my heart was full and overflowing with blessings. After the church service in the morning, my afternoons and evenings were filled with Gospel work in the lodging homes in the poorest part ofthe town. I was so happy. At times it almost seemed as if Heaven had begun in my heart. All that I could want was a larger heart to hold more happiness.
After finishing my last service at about ten o’clock that night, a poor man asked me to go and pray with his dying wife. I quickly agreed. On the way to his house, I asked him why he had not sent for the priest, as the sound of his voice told me he was from Ireland.
He advised that he had done that but the priest refused to come without being paid eighteen pence. The man’s family was starving and he had no money. At this very time, I remembered that all the money I had in the world was the half-crown coin. I had a bowl of soup at home for supper. There was enough food in the house for breakfast in the morning, but nothing for dinner tomorrow.
At once, there was no happiness in my heart. Instead of admitting my lack of faith and refusal to obey, I began to tell the poor man that he was very wrong to have allowed things to get into such a condition.
He should have asked the government officer for help. He said he had done this and was told to come at eleven o’clock the next morning, but he was afraid that his wife might not live through the night.
“Ah,” I thought, “if only I had two shillings and a sixpence instead of this half-crown, how happy I would be to give these poor people one shilling of it!” But to part with the half-crown was far from my thoughts.
It did not come to my mind that the real truth was simply that I could trust in God and one-and-sixpence. However, I was not yet prepared to trust Him only, without any money in my pocket.
The poor man led me into a court and I followed with some fear. I had gone there before and had been given some rough treatment. My tracts were torn to pieces and I was warned not to come again. I felt more than a little concerned. Still, it was the path of duty and I followed on. He led me up to the second floor and into a very poor room.
What a terrible sight! Four of the five poor children stood about, their thin faces telling the story of low starvation. On a blanket on the floor was a poor mother, almost dead, holding a very small, newly born child, thirty-six hours old.
The child was not able to cry but only made a sad noise, for it too seemed too weak and failing. Again I thought, “If I had two shillings and a sixpence instead of half a crown, how happy f would be to give them one-and-sixpence of it!” But still, a terrible unbelief stopped me from obeying the calling in my heart to help them at the cost of all I had.
It would not seem unusual that I was unable to give hope to these poor people. I needed that myself. I began to tell them that they must not lose hope and that even if they were in great trouble, there was a kind and loving Father in Heaven.
But something told me that I was acting a lie by telling these unsaved people about a kind and loving Father in Heaven, and not being prepared to trust Him without half a crown!” I could hardly get my breath.
How easily I would have compromised with my conscience if I had had a florin and a sixpence! I would have given the florin thankfully and kept the rest. But I was not yet prepared to trust in God alone, without the sixpence.
Under these conditions, talking was impossible. Yet, I thought I should have no difficulty in praying. This was a happy thing for me in those days. Time spent in prayer never seemed to make me tired. It was easy to find words as I prayed. I seemed to think that I would only have to kneel and start praying and that help would come to them and me.
“You asked me to come and pray with your wife,” I said to the man, “let us pray.” And I knelt. But I had just opened my mouth to say “Our Father who art in heaven,” when my conscience said, “Will you make light of God? Will you kneel and call Him Father with that half-crown in your pocket?” Such a time of conflict came upon me as I have never felt before or since. How I got through that prayer I do not know. I cannot recall if the words I spoke were connected but I was very troubled as I got up from my knees.
The poor father turned to me and said, “You see what a terrible condition we are in. If you can help us, in God’s name, do! ” Just then the words quickly came into my mind, “Give to the one who asks you, ” (Matthew 5:42) and in the word of a King, there is power.
(Ecclesiastes 8:4) I put my hand into my pocket, slowly took out the half-crown, and gave it to the man. I told him that it might seem a small thing for me to help them, seeing that I was not in such a bad condition as they were. Yet, in parting with that coin, I was giving my all.
What I had been trying to tell him was very true – God was a Father and might be trusted. The happiness came back in a foil flood to my heart. I knew in my heart that God was pleased with me. That which stopped my spiritual happiness was gone. I hoped that it was gone forever.
Not only was the poor woman’s life saved, but I saw that my life was saved too! My Christian life and faith would have been a wreck if I had not obeyed the faithful leading of God’s Spirit. I found the grace of God to be stronger than all my problems. I remember that night very well.
As I went home, my heart was as light as my pocket. The empty streets were filled with a song of praise that I could not hold back. I thought as I ate my bowl of soup before going to bed that I would not have exchanged it for a great feast. When I knelt to pray at my bedside, I reminded the Lord of his own Word, that he who gives to the poor lends to the Lord.
I asked him not to let me lend it for long, or I would have no dinner for the next day. Having peace within and peace without, I spent a happy, restful night The next morning, the mailman was at the door before I finished eating my breakfast.
I did not usually receive letters on Monday because my family and friends did not mail letters on Saturday. And so, I was somewhat surprised when my landlady came in, holding a large letter. I looked at the letter, but could not make out the handwriting. It was not one that I could remember and the other markings were not clear.
Where it came from I could not tell. On opening the letter, I found nothing written but some fine gloves inside a piece of paper. To my great surprise, half a sovereign fell to the ground. “Praise the Lord!” I said quickly; “400 percent for twelve hours’ use.
That is a good rate of interest. How happy the businessmen men Hull would be if they could lend their money at such a rate!” I decided then that the Bank of Heaven which could not break should have all of my money. This is something I have never been sorry for.
I cannot tell you how often my mind has returned to this incident. Since that time, it has been such a help to me in difficult times. If we are faithful to God in little things, we will gain training and strength that will help us in the more serious trials of life.